Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Of course I have a pirate flag
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
