Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
