i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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