Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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