I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
