they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
