Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
