i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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