Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
