I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
