I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
