The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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