Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
