You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Houston, we have a blender
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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