i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
