My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
