"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
