420 ftw
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
