It's Friday. Sex?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
