just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
