I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
