We are two peas in an std pod
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
