i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
