were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
