The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
