Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
