you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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