i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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