My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
