He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
