This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
