i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
