Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
