I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
