Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
