Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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