I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How does it feel to date your dad?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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