Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
worst night to have a conscience
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
