Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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