i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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