What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
