I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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