dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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