She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
