one two three fourrrrnication!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
