He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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