i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
