I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
