shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
home. puking in laundry basket.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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