That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We smell like vodka and hangover
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
