Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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