I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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