she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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