No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
