being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
