I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
